2020: Satisfaction and Justice

When I look back on most of my favorite songs growing up and into early adulthood, you can sense a similar theme: Born to Run, I Still Haven't Found what I'm looking for, You Can't Always Get what you want ...

Clearly I enjoyed classic rock -- but I also seemed to nurture a certain constant dissatisfaction with the status quo. I spent most of my life searching for the next thing: high school, college acceptance, first job, marriage, babies, book.

My husband, Ben, and I shared that certain sense of wanderlust. It led us, separately, to Vegas, Chicago and Florida after college in Missouri. It led us, together, to Vegas again, San Francisco, Chicago again, Orange County, and finally back to Minneapolis.

We bought our family home in a good school district, and we settled down - mostly. Our baby Josh grew up out of the crib and out of diapers, and I published my first book in August 2019. By the end of 2019, I had started a new part-time pastoral call and was working on signing with a literary agent for Book #2.

In so many ways, we had everything we'd ever dreamed of. We were paying off bills acquired during our early marital wanderlust, keeping cars long enough to pay them off, making home improvements, living the dream.

Maybe it's a sign of maturity as I look toward turning 35 in 2020, but as I look back at 2019, I think my resolution for 2020 is to nurture a sense of satisfaction with my life. I'll always have that part of my personality that keeps pushing forward toward the next goal, but I also think God is urging me in this year to cultivate contentment, to look back with pride instead of forward with fear, and to realize that while I'll always need to keep working hard and striving for the next goal, I also need to be grateful, at peace, and take time to stop and smell the proverbial roses.

Life rushes past you. Last year we lost my Grandpa Jerry, and Jacob got so tall I could barely pick him up anymore. Our parents, despite looking young and staying unbelievably physically active, are getting older, too. My little brother got married and moved to the East Coast.

So there it is. Maybe I need to lean into that last song choice a little bit. You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need.

Maybe too, as I acknowledge my near-constant state of restlessness, I have the chance to move that restlessness outward - working not for my own personal gain but for the justice and redemption of others, while grateful in place for my life as it is.

                            2009                                                                                          2019


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